Straight outta Facebook

25 Things

I don’t like ice cream or anything else frozen in my mouth. Sometimes sorbet is OK.

One time when I was a kid, I ate too many cucumbers and barfed. I have not touched or eaten a cucumber since, although I do enjoy pickles.

I like to read tarot cards.

I’m flakey and often fail to finish things I’ve started. I’m also very absent minded at times,. My ex-husband gave me the Indian name “Woman whose brain is scattered like ash.” It’s true. I have often gone into gas stations, paid for my gas, and then drove off without pumping the gas into my car. Recently, I ran out of gas because of this. LOL.

 I find it healthy to laugh at your own shortcomings.

I have been to over 200 NFL football games in my lifetime and I am a crazy Saints fan. My favorite Saint ever was Pat Swilling, because he was a ferocious linebacker. The QB sack with fumble recovery is my favorite play to see. Long live the Dome Patrol.

I like defense more than offense.

I think America’s Funniest Home Video’s is one of the funniest shows on TV. The boys and I record it on DVR and then watch and rewind the really funny videos. Watch rewind, laugh. Watch rewind, laugh. Rinse and repeat.

My parents are a little odd. For example, during Mardi Gras they used to try and “catch” the parade as many times as possible. Once we saw the same parade 4 times, in different parts of Houma. Also, they go to Wal-Mart everyday for no good reason. I find this weird. I guess this is what happens when you don’t drink any alchohol.

I really like to kiss. And, I’m good at it.

If I could do any job I wanted I would own my own bookstore on the coast somewhere that’s not very cold.

I’m a decent writer but I lack ambition.

I’m not a dog person, I don’t like the way they smell.

I love it when people swear, especially when I’m not expecting it like at a staff meeting.

When I find a new song I really like, I’ll listen to it over and over until I know all the words.

I’m a good and loyal friend.

I’m terrified of illness.

The first concert I ever went to was the Beastie Boys and Run DMC. My parents took me and my best friend Nicole, we wore matching Esprit outfits. There was a large inflatable penis on the stage and the Beastie Boys were drinking malt liquer. My parents made us leave during Run DMC because they said the crowd was getting too “rowdy.”

I enjoy sleeping on sofas, they are sometimes more comfortable to me than beds. I sleep with a lot of pillows, I need at least 4 minimum. Two semi-firm ones, and then 2 squishy ones.

 One time I had an out-of-body experience. I was 18, in my bedroom with the lights off listening to Enigma. I don’t know if it was those Gregorian monks or what, but next thing you know I felt like I was floating on the ceiling. Then my dad walked in and I snapped out of it. Scouts honor.

Is that 25 things yet? I’m bad at math.

Christmas in July??

Anyone else care to explain why I would be be strolling around downtown on my lunch break, in my most painful shoes, with a cheesy grin on my face while listening to Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas on my ipod?

I have another theory, perhaps happiness?  Oh!  I remember this…yes, life IS good.  Divorce suits me it seems, and don’t think for a second I’m giving Paxil all the credit either, maybe a high five at best.

Over the weekend I started reading The History of Love by Nicole Krauss, and wow is all I’m saying.

Bye now, gotta go sing in the rain.

Love,

Bookie  tra la la

Well, it’s about damn time.

It appears as though, FINALLY, parents are rebelling against this new fangled idea of “perfect parenting” and just saying screw it, we’re doing the best we can – so leave us the hell alone about it.  I just delighted when reading this article at Salon about a new slew of books being published by parents who are just openly admitting that they can’t or won’t conform to the modern American version of parenting.

In Ayelet Waldman’s new book, Bad Mother a Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamaties, and Occasional Moments of Grace , she talks about how failing to try to do everything by the book will put you in the dreaded “Bad Mother” category.  Here is a little excerpt from an interview with her.

Q: What is your definition of a good mother?

AW: As one of my interview subjects said, “A Good Mother remembers to serve fruit at breakfast, is always cheerful and never yells, manages not to project her own neuroses and inadequacies onto her children, is an active and beloved community volunteer. She remembers to make playdates, her children’s clothes fit, she does art projects with them and enjoys all their games. And she is never too tired for sex.”

Q: Okay, so what do you consider the responsible, attainable ideal of a modern mother?

AW: One who loves her kids and does her level best not to damage them in any permanent way. A good mother doesn’t let herself be overcome by guilt when she screws up.

First of all *RANT ALERT*, I like this idea because I, being a mother (and newly single mom) of two young boys detest the way mothers judge each other over insane little things like breast-feeding, sugar intake, television time, and the mack daddy of all issues – the working mom vs. stay at home mom debate.  Oy Vey.  By today’s standards I am probably not a bad mother, but a horrible one.  I work full time with a long commute.  I detest housework.  I have never tracked a bowel movement.  I sometimes swing into Mickey D’s instead of preparing a nutritional dinner.  I forget to give my 9 year old son his ADHD medication.  I give my son ADHD medication.  I yell, hell sometimes I scream!  I secretly rejoice when soccer practice is rained out.  I am not good at matching socks.  I get annoyed that every freaking activity your kid is in has to have a “snack schedule”, and I don’t really understand why today’s child needs a fucking snack for every freaking thing they do.  I do horror movie night every Friday night with my boys, and sometimes there are curse words and usually always gratuitous violence involved.   and I HATE, and I mean I REALLY hate the word playdate.   Aside from all that, I know I am still a good mom.  I do what I’m supposed to do, and I teach them well.  Most of all I love them more than I can stand, and they know I am their number one fan and that I will always be there when they need me.  I love being a mom, and I do the best that I can for me being me.   I’m glad people like Ayelet Waldman are standing up and saying the same thing!

Ayelet Waldman, if you recall, is the woman who was raked over the coals for saying on Oprah that she loved her husband more than her kids.  I think what she was saying was that she didn’t want her life to revolve around her children, that she wanted to be herself, a woman, a wife, and not just a mother.   I can see why the way she phrased it rubbed some people the wrong way, but I give her kudos for having the balls to say it, especially on Oprah…whoa.  I dunno how she made it out of there alive.

Other interesting  titles include  True Mom Confessions:  Real Moms Get Real by Romi Lassaly and Most Popular Mommy blogger Heather Armstrong aka Dooce’s book It Sucked and then I cried:  How I had a baby, A Breakdown, and A Much Needed Margarita.

A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson

In Cajun, we call it an ahnvee. In French, it’s envie. In redneck, it’s a hankering, and plain old normal people might refer to it as a compulsion, urge, or craving. Well last weekend, right out of the clear blue sky (thanks Forrest); I got the biggest ahnvee to read Bill Bryson’s A Walk in the Woods. The urge was so strong and specific that I ran all around town until I nailed down a copy of said book. Now why, you might ask, did I just HAVE TO HAVE this particular book? I dunno. Seriously, I mean I’ve never read Bryson, although I’ve always meant to get around to it, and I’ve heard good things about A Walk in the Woods. But really I just knew that at that precise moment, I wanted to read that exact thing. And I did. And it was good.

A Walk in the Woods is Bill Bryson’s true account of his attempt to thru hike the Appalachian Trail. The trail is the longest footpath in America; it starts in Georgia and ends in Maine covering 2,178 miles. It goes through 8 National forests and touches 14 states. Crazy people actually hike this thing the whole way through. Bill Bryson tired to, but he failed. Sort of. He made it from Georgia to Tennessee, and then he stopped and went home for a break, and then attempted to drive to some parts of the trail and hike a little and then stop and repeat the process the next day. His last real attempt was in Maine, where he made it about halfway on torturous terrain and then quit and hauled ass home. So he didn’t succeed at thru hiking the trail, but what he does succeed at is hiking enough of the trail (around 870 miles of it), that we get a really accurate portrayal of what it’s like to hike the Appalachian Trail, or the “A.T.,” as the cool kids call it.

We learn about the gear, we learn about the bears, we learn how it feels to walk 15 miles a day mostly uphill, with a 40 pound pack on your back whilst being attacked by bugs. We learn that after you spend your day doing this, you are treated to ramen noodles, a drafty tent, and a shitty night’s sleep on the hard earth in the company of mice and snakes. The truth is, it all sounds horrible but also really really great. It certainly appeals to the escapist in me. Checking out of corporate America for 3 to 5 months to do nothing but walk in the woods. Sure, I get it. Freedom man, freedom.

Of course, I would never do it. Ever. Mice? Bugs? Snakes? RAMEN NOODLES??? No thanks, I’ll just stay in the cabin and read about it, thank ya very much, and I would suggest that you do the same.

Fucking Brilliant Abridged Version of the Twilight Series. lmfao.

For all those of  you who are choking on your own Twilight vomit…please read this.  It’s freaking PERFECT!

I’m done with the funk, everybody dance!

Divorce still sucks…Poetry Drop by Me

Divorce Still Sucks

even if you want it

even if you fell out of love long ago

even if you may never have been in love at all

even if you hate him

even if he hates you

even if you still promise to be friends

even if you prayed for it, and asked for it and

begged for God to help you do it.

even if you can’t stand the sight of him                  sometimes.

even if he’s taught you the meaning of love, and hurt, and despair and terror and

hope

all at once.

divorce still feels like the world is physically  breaking apart

and you know you better hang on or fall off

but you don’t know where to grab

because  everything is slippery.

************************************************************************************

Why am I sitting around feeling sorry for myself when I have a $25 Barnes and Nobles gift card burning a hole in my wallet???

Free Book Give-a-way! HURRY! Move your asses people!

Bookpuddle is hosting a St. Patricks Day book give-a-way contest. All you have to do is go here and leave a comment telling her which book you would pick. Here are the choices.

BUT, it ends TOMORROW so GTF over there right NOW.

Wait a minute. Why am I making the odds worse for myself? Oh, nevermind, I never win anything anyway. Now RUN people, RUN!

Bragging Rights

This is just me being a bragadocious mom. My older son Owen is in the exceptional learners program at school and his teacher sent out a list of all the words he had learned this year. I’m IMPRESSED!

*superfluous*

*countenance*

*profound*

*manifest*

*obvious;*

*prodigious*

*languor*

*symphonic*

*interpose***

*serene*

*acute*

*grotesque*

*condescend*

*odious*

*post*

*circumspect*

*malevolence*

*exquisite*

*clamor*

*sublime*

*lofty*

*tremulous*

*allude*

*aqua*

*audi*

*aqueduct*

*placid*

*singular*

*unique*

*amiable*

*incredulous*

*perplex*

*bellicose*

*missive*

*melancholy*

*venerate*

*abate*

*repose*

Wow.  These are great words!  I love these words, I wish I used them more often.  I have to admit, I will freak out if my third grader casually drops  placid, sublime, or interpose in a sentence.

If you do not like to read then you will not like this blog. The End.

Just for all the people that tell me they have come to my blog but don’t really get it because they don’t like to read.

Wow. Really? That is just stunning logic.